Cherish Joy

Cherish Joy - By Melody Beattie

Choose Joy. Then cherish and savor it.
Joy is not a fleeting emotion based on outward circumstances, a transitory feeling of the moment, a reaction to the scenery around you.  It comes from within your heart like a waterfall that rushes out the side of the mountain. Joy is a runoff from the wellspring within you.  And sometimes it is a delightful, surprising contrast to the scenery around you.

Embrace Joy.  Relish it. Even if those around you don't have it right now, you can feel your joy. You don't have to be disrespectful of their feelings nor do you have to let their lack of joy diminish yours.

You have done your work. You have chosen to open your heart. Now you have your reward.

Cherish Joy. It is your treasure. You've found it. You've earned it. It's Yours


This reading is speaking to me right now. I need to choose joy. It is who I am. I need to be happy inside. I need to share that happiness with others.  It is my gift. It is my treasure.

Rollercoaster

I am sharing a reading today about life sometimes being a rollercoaster - the joy and the fear... and it got me thinking.  This taking it one day at a time... one moment at a time is okay for now. Look, I'm a planner. A serious planner.  Down to the minute.  I hate not KNOWING.  I hate the insecurity of not knowing my future....
But, I realized my journey, right now in my life, involves just taking SOME things at face value. Being present. Taking in the good and the bad.  It's just my moment right now. No planning is available to me. I have no idea what will happen in my life even a week from now. The beauty is - NO ONE DOES. But I have lived my life like I do. Like I KNOW. But I don't. Especially now.  And it's ok. really it is.

Sometimes it is good to be just here. today. now.  wing it a little. Change your mind. Often.  I am constantly talking about being present because I need that reminder. But never have I felt this life lesson so strongly. I am living for today. For the joy of the moment and even the sadness in any moment. I am trying to be extremely honest with myself. why did I do that? how can I change that? How can I do better next time?

I am constantly asking these questions. I know I am not perfect. Believe me I know. But I do try and I do fail sometimes.

Thank God I have all the amazing people in my life that I do.... I really am grateful for the here and now.

Yoga

Love, Light, Listening, Learning, Letting Go.... These are some of the things I get from Yoga. (plus the L theme is fun)  The article in the paper over the weekend has me thinking.  As we all know, things are pretty cruddly for me personally right now.  But I got to thinking about 'the journey' and what yoga offers me in this situation.  I am a 'spiritual' person.  I believe in God.  I believe in life ever-after. What that means, I have no idea. I believe in being the best me I can be because it is the 'right' way to live. Not because I'd have to 'pay the piper,' after, if I didn't. I am as kind, caring and loving as I can be because it feels good - it's what is inside me. Again, not because I'd be damned to Hell if I didn't.

At times in my life (like now) I need perspective. I need to feel the goodness in the Universe. I need to know I am not alone.  I get all of this from yoga. I get a community who loves me. I get the feeling my struggles are similar to what other people go through.  I share whatever wisdom I've gained in life and others share theirs.  I get laughter in sad times. I get to be present... in the right here, right now... where things don't look so bleak. Where I can say - I can do this one day at a time. I will make it no matter what else happens.

I support all people. All colors, all religions. I accept all behavior - well, not hatred.  I understand we are human. I would never turn anyone away from a class... I'd welcome them because I want more people to feel the way I feel.

In the end, anything that offers love to others, acceptace, self love, honesty, happiness, perspective, forgiveness, happiness....
these are things I want for me and for my community.  Everyone. I would seriously be so honored and welcome Pastor Mark with a full open heart and full of love to class. I just wish he'd come.

Some light.

The results came back on my sister. As she puts it - you need to sit through the bad to get the good. Kim had Ovarian Cancer. The doctors say they 'got it all' in surgery. No need for Chemo or any other further treatment right now. Just check ups every 3 months. My big sister is a cancer survivor. My mom is there in Massachusetts to help her recover from the rough surgery. But she is a survivor. Thank you God.

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Recently I think my sadness has been coming out in my behavior. Last night, I talked to my students about the fact that I feel my emotions in a 'big way.' That I truly love each and every student and that when I am happy - I'm really happy. And unfortunately I am in a dark time in my life right now. And I feel the weight of that all the time.  The sadness is defining me. I don't want that.  I am so sorry to anyone who was negatively effected by this sadness inside me. As it says in the book 'The Four Agreements' - it is never about you.  This is me, working through a dark time in front of a lot of people. I am trying to keep my integrity, trying to be present, trying to be my authentic self. Trying to not be sad. Not angry. Not hopeless. 

I Love so Big. I really do. I am grateful for all I have.  I love so many of you.

My Sister and Beginning of Change....

My sister had surgery yesterday. She has cancer.  Not sure the degree yet, we are still in the waiting game.  Doctors felt based on what they saw - they needed to take a whole lot of stuff. My sister was literally gutted. Full Hystorectomy (one very twisted ovary), appendix, gallbladder, lymph nodes.  All gone.  All of the tissue will be sent for in depth testing. This will take a week. She has cancer, but it could be a 'borderline tumor.' Meaning, they got it early and got out all the effected tissue ,....  or it could be Ovarian Cancer - and the next step is TBA. Either way, she will have a rough recovery for several weeks.  My mom is flying out to help the day Kim gets out of the hospital.  She will be there for 8 days.  By then we should know what will be next and if I will be going....
I did talk to my sister. She sounded drugged but ok. Aware of everything. Aware of what happened and what we are waiting for. She was calling because she was worried about ME and what I am going through. She called because she was worried about her 14 year old daughter. And how she is handling it all and if she is ok.
My sister.... worrying about others.
I love her.

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There are changes happening already in my life.  That much I will say.  I also want to share some exciting news. I have decided I will begin taking Private Sessions again. I did this alot in my early years of teaching. Recently I have stopped for my schedule and demand. But now the door is open. Private sessions with me! If you want them, I will likely rent hauteyoga QA for the hour - of  those privates. Think of the answers about your practice you can get - the individual attention, when you are normally one of 35 people in a room in my class. I will enjoy connecting with students one on one again. I have missed that.

If I did a weekend retreat on Whidbey - would you do it? I think I need to start the process to plan one. Perhaps in the spring.... It would be a friday afternoon to sunday afternoon.... :)

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again I have to say how grateful and thankful I am to the constant love and support from my friends and students. You are all my light as I head on the mat and down the road of my life... I need that light to guide my way. Thank you.

Thank you - and Taking it Day by Day

First of all, I want to thank everyone who reads this, everyone who shared their love with me, every one of my students for being in my classes - every one for the constant support.

I am a mom. I am a wife. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a woman. I am sad. I am human. I am me.

My sister's medical situation is just one of the ... let's say... not positive things in my life that came to light this week. I am dealing with what will potentially be a HUGE change in my life.  I am not ready to open up about it yet. But suffice to say this week presented challanges that will change me as a person.  And I am sad. Deep down inside I am sad.

My best friend told me she recently wrote a list of the things in her life that bring her happiness. In her darkest times  - she looks at the list - to remind herself she is luckier than most. She has a lot to be grateful for... and I do too. here is my list:


-My son, Ben.
-Greg, my husband
-My Mom
-My sister
-My best friend
-all of my friends
-Yoga
-Teaching
-My students
-My cats
-sunshine
-holidays - all of them
-travel - memories of all travel
-dreams of travel
-fudge
-glassy baby candles


I will take my life one day at a time. I will practice my yoga on and off the mat. I will breathe.  I will love.  I will be present. I will be grateful.  I will try. Every day, I will try.