The results came back on my sister. As she puts it - you need to sit through the bad to get the good. Kim had Ovarian Cancer. The doctors say they 'got it all' in surgery. No need for Chemo or any other further treatment right now. Just check ups every 3 months. My big sister is a cancer survivor. My mom is there in Massachusetts to help her recover from the rough surgery. But she is a survivor. Thank you God.
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Recently I think my sadness has been coming out in my behavior. Last night, I talked to my students about the fact that I feel my emotions in a 'big way.' That I truly love each and every student and that when I am happy - I'm really happy. And unfortunately I am in a dark time in my life right now. And I feel the weight of that all the time. The sadness is defining me. I don't want that. I am so sorry to anyone who was negatively effected by this sadness inside me. As it says in the book 'The Four Agreements' - it is never about you. This is me, working through a dark time in front of a lot of people. I am trying to keep my integrity, trying to be present, trying to be my authentic self. Trying to not be sad. Not angry. Not hopeless.
I Love so Big. I really do. I am grateful for all I have. I love so many of you.
"But think how brightly you see the world's colors"...a friend once told me that when I was struggling, processing, and attempting to make sense of emotions at the surface as I was struggling in a dark time. Hang in there, JL, and thank you for your light, guidance, and spirit.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear about your sister! Your big heart will get you through all of this. <3
ReplyDeleteTiff
JL: It was so gratifying when you admitted that you wear your emotions on your sleeve!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally that way too. And I'm usually always happy, so long as things are good. But when they're not, I have a hard time pretending. My game face sucks, and I'm rarely on neutral.
So, I have higher highs and lower lows. But, the lows are situational.
Net result: You're a passionate person.
And, I'll gladly take a teacher who is bummed out when life tosses lemons, because it means that I get a teacher who isn't afraid to show emotion, who isn't afraid to love and be loved, who doesn't back down from life, but embraces it. <3
And for your sister: wonderful news. Relief. Thank you for keeping us posted.